


Terrible Things [England/Arthur Kirkland]

by Zuliet



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 07:57:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3521510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuliet/pseuds/Zuliet





	Terrible Things [England/Arthur Kirkland]

_'Terrible Things' by Mayday Parade_  
  
  


_By the time I was your age_

_I'd give anything to fall in love_

_Truly was all I could think_

_That's when I met your mother_

_The girl of my dreams_

_The most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen..._

~

Arthur’s tears dripped on the glass of the picture frame in his hand. No matter how much he tried to contain them, they still swelled and flowed like a flooded river gate.

“I miss you!!” he sobbed, his entire being shaking violently. “Wh-Why did you have to leave us?” Arthur tried being quiet, knowing his son was fast asleep in the next room. But he couldn’t contain it any more. It hurt so much. It had been nineteen years, but God did it still hurt. He missed his lover. The girl who rescued him when he thought there was no one else. The girl who fell in love with him when he thought himself unlovable. The girl who he fell in love with when he was dying for love.

He missed  _you_.

            Arthur placed the picture beside him, and then cradled his face in his hands. Memories of his years with you flashed through his mind. He missed the way your hair blew in the wind, and the way it glowed with the sun shone through it. He missed the vibrant colour of your eyes, and how they sparkled when you looked at him. He missed his arms around you, and the feeling of your fingers interlaced with his. He missed your voice, the soft belle tone of it as you sang and the way you said his name .

            Arthur’s entire body ached. The wounds opening back up.  As they did, Arthur realized just how quiet the room was and how cold and uninviting the sheets were. He noticed how still and bland his surroundings were and Arthur realized how boring and monotonous his life had become since you passed. Sure, he had Alfred, the son he wished looked more like you, and that was a challenge. But Alfred didn’t fill your void. His vibrancy couldn’t replace yours. You were...something else. Anyone who had known you knew where Alfred had gotten his energy from because it most certainly was not from your beloved Brit.

            Arthur choked over his sobs, his voice cracking as he pleaded over and over for a redo where you survived; another universe where you and he raised Alfred. Although he knew that could never happen, he never wished that he had never fallen in love with you. He never wished that you had never gotten pregnant with Alfred. He never wished that he had never met you. Arthur felt his heart throb as he groped for memories of you. Anything that would fill his mind with your voice and face. He missed you so much every day, and every day he kept up a happy face for Alfred’s sake. From the time he was small, Alfred had always wondered about his mother, but Arthur never told him anything. If he tried, he would end up excusing himself and going to cry in his room for hours. The older Alfred got, the less he asked about you.  Arthur chuckled sadly at himself,

“[Name] wouldn’t like that very much,” he scolded himself, barely able to choke out your name. It wasn’t one he spoke very often any more. He couldn’t. He just...couldn’t bring himself to. It was too precious, and held too many beautiful things; so many things that had been ripped away so quickly. Another loud round of sobs escaped Arthur’s chest. Arthur didn’t notice as the door to his room opened, even though it let out a God awful creak that he swore he was going to fix one day. Arthur didn’t even pay attention as the bed sank down next to him.

“Hey, pop,” said Alfred, a mild hint of sleepiness in his voice. Arthur jumped, turning to face his son who had the picture in his hand. “So – this is ma, huh?...She’s beautiful.” Alfred gazed down at the picture; a close head-shot of you on your wedding day. Arthur sobbed, nodding his head in response. They sat in silence for a few minutes; Arthur sobbing wildly and Alfred close to tears himself as he thought of all he was missing out on without you there. He didn’t even know you, yet the fact that your blood coursed through his veins made him feel connected to you, like he had known you all his life. Of course, you were the first face he saw and his was the last you saw. Suddenly, Alfred caught himself saying his thoughts out loud: “I wish I knew you, mom.”

Alfred ran his thumb down your cheek, then something dripped on the glass. Water? Alfred panicked, brushing it away. However, as he did, more came. Alfred put a few fingers to his face, and then pulled them away to find that they had the liquid substance on them.  Even as Alfred wiped at his eyes, the tears came, but in more abundance, as well as bigger and faster. He wanted you. The mother he never knew. He wanted you there. To cradle him. To embarrass him. To love him unconditionally.  He wanted a mother who would pack his lunch, and leave cute little notes in it. Alfred wanted a mother who would tickle him and wrestle him like he knew his father wouldn’t. He knew you’d do this because he asked a few of his uncles and some of your and Arthur’s friends about you a few times. But Alfred couldn’t take much. Not after he realized how much you were loved. He found it wasn’t fair that you weren’t around so he could love you himself.

“A-Al-Alfred...?” said Arthur quietly, noticing his son was beginning to sob. Unable to contain it, Alfred tackled his father backwards, wrapping his large arms around his middle and burying his face into Arthur’s chest.

“I – I – I – I want m-my mo-o-om-mm-my-y!” cried Alfred loudly, his voice muffled by Arthur’s shirt. Arthur bit his lip, as he placed a hand on his son’s head and let a few more tears, which had been stopping, flow.

“I know, champ, I miss her too. I’d do anything to have your mother back,” whispered Arthur, Alfred peeked up at his father.

“Champ?” questioned the American, Arthur sadly smiled.

“Your mother referred to you as that while she was pregnant with you. Were she alive today, I believe that she’d still be calling you that.” Alfred laid his head back down,

“W-Will you call me that? S-Since mom’s not here to?” mutter Alfred quietly. Arthur’s lip quivered as he nodded.

“S-Sure.” There was a few moments more of silence as tears leaked out of father and son’s eyes. “A-Al, y-you know how you’ve always wanted to know about your mother? – well, I-I think I’m finally going to tell you.” All Alfred did was nod, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to speak if he tried. For a large knot was tied inside his throat, one that would break into sobs if he tried to speak. Arthur drew in a shaky breath, held it and then allowed it out as he reclined back against the head board. “I was about your age when we met. I was going through a horrid rebellious phase; I remember your mother called me ‘punk’ on more than one occasion. No matter how much I disliked it. She was an interesting one, your mother.”

“Wh-What was mom’s name?” croaked Alfred, trying his best to fight the pent up tears. Arthur drew in another breath,

“[Name]...your mother’s name was [Name] Jones,” stated the Brit. Alfred smiled sadly, and softly uttered your name.

“C-Can I change my last name, pop?” This caught Arthur off-guard, he blinked few times before looking down at his son.

“Wh-What? W-Why?”

“I want to change it to ‘Jones’ – for mom,” whispered the blue eyed boy. Arthur gave a weak smile,

“We’ll see.” Satisfied with that, Alfred let Arthur continue with his story. “Well, you see, I was nineteen and about to repeat my senior year of high school for the third time. How your grandparents put up with me, I’ll never know. Anyway, by that point, if I didn’t graduate, I wasn’t going to. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. But one day, a few weeks after school let out for the summer and all of my buddies had graduated and ditched me, I had an epiphany! I remember I was lying on an old car in the scrap yard, smoking a cigarette I didn’t even like, and staring up at the sky. I suddenly wished I had someone to share it with. Someone to share my days with. Someone to occupy my time. Someone who would love me and all of my flaws.

“I spent the summer trying to find that one girl who would love me. By the time the school year started again, I was about stark raving mad! – but that’s when I met your mother. She had moved to town over the summer. I hadn’t even known her name when I discovered she was the one. It was near the end of November, we ran into each other in the most literal way possible. Some guys had taken off with her books and she was chasing after them, while I was trying to outrun some wankers I owed money to. When it initially happened I wasn’t sure quite why I did it, but I helped her up and brushed her off. Then, once she told me what happened, I ran after the guys myself and beat the crap out of them. It was only once I returned and got a good look at her that I felt it. The feeling I had been looking for.

“God, Al, I wish you could have seen her! She was gorgeous! I had never met anyone like her in my life. She glowed - like a backlit angel! I hadn’t even known her five minutes, and my chest tightened and my heart pounded like crazy just by looking at her. My palms were sweaty, and I felt sick as well. Your mother always said that I looked as if I’d seen a ghost when I first met her." Arthur let out a hearty chuckle, a light, euphoric feeling in his chest as he thought of you. Continuing, he softly began once more; "And I remember... I remember thinking ‘yeah, this is the girl I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. This is the girl who’s going to bare my children, and grow old with me. This...this is her. Come at last.’ Once she told me her name, I had a plan set to make her mine. She was going to be Mrs. [Name] Kirkland one day. And we were going to be happy. I swore it. That day, I swore it.”

~

_She said, "boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?_  
_I can’t help but notice you staring at me_  
I know I shouldn't say this  
But, I really believe I can tell by your eyes  
That you're in love with me.”  
  
Now, son, I'm only telling you this  
Because life can do terrible things

_~_

Arthur sighed, remembering how radiant you looked on that day. He gave a sad smile, and then continued.

“To this day, I’ve never understood how she knew. But she looked me straight in the eyes, after a whole half an hour of us hanging out, and said: ‘Can I tell you a wonderful thing?’ she said, ‘I can’t help, but noticed you’re staring at me. And, well, I know I shouldn’t say this, Artie’ – by God did I hate it at the time when she called me ‘Artie’ – ‘but, I really think, just by looking in your eyes, I believe you’re in love with me.’ I remember nearly tripping as she said this. I've always wondered how she knew. There had to have been something more than my eyes to tell her. But I don’t remember acting any more or less idiotic than usual, I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. Then again, your mother was a sight to behold, Alfred. God, she was beautiful! Every girl she met wanted to be her! She was...your mother was just – wow. I still can’t believe that, for a time, I held the most amazing and beautiful women in the world in my arms. Right where I’m holding her son now.” Arthur smiled warmly down at his son, who looked back at him with watery, red eyes and a red nose.

Under Alfred’s ear, he could hear the thunderous, bounding of his father’s heart as he talked about his beloved. Alfred had never seen Arthur like this; so smiley and happy and – just glad to be alive! It made him envy his father some. Alfred wanted that happiness, that warmth that only a mother could fill. Alfred suddenly felt very empty. Arthur kissed the top of his son’s head. “She’d be so proud of you, Alfred. So very proud. Just like I am.  But, Alfred, I’m afraid I’m only telling you about your mother because, well...life can do terrible things to people. No matter whom they are, what they do, what walk of life they come from. Life and reality is unfair and, no matter what, you can’t change that. It’s a very, very sad thing.”

~

_Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink_  
_We'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything_  
Too young to notice and too dumb to care  
But, love was a story that couldn’t compare  
  
I said, "girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?"  
I made you a present with paper and string  
Open with care now I’m asking you, please,  
You know that I love you, will you marry me?”

~

“There were times when your mother and I would raid your grandparents’ liquor cabinet and drink the night away. Of course, that was only after much persuasion on my part. Sometimes, we’d lie on the hammock in the backyard, and cuddle as we watched the stars. We were stupid, yes, but we were free. We did what we wanted to because we were young. We’d make love anywhere we fancied. We didn’t care who saw, or who heard. Your mother was reluctant at first, but I promised that I wouldn’t ever let her go. That she could trust me with her precious gift. Of course, you don’t want to hear all of that. So, I’ll skip to where you come in. [Name] and I had been dating about two years by this point, and I didn’t just want her be my girlfriend anymore. I wanted her to be my wife. Once she told me she was pregnant with you, well, I went out and bought a ring as soon as I could and asked her to marry me. Even though she and I promised so many things, she thought that, like with some of her friends’ boyfriends, I’d walk out on her and leave her. But I couldn’t leave her, and I most certainly couldn’t leave you!” Arthur paused, his face turning grave and his voice dropping an octave. “But things didn’t exactly go according to plan...” Alfred looked up at his father; on the Brit’s face as a mix of sadness and anger, the hand that rest on the bed gripped the sheet tightly as tears began to run down Arthur’s face once more.

~

_Now son, I’m only telling you this_  
_Because life can do terrible things_  
  
You’ll learn one day I’ll hope and ill pray  
That God shows you differently

_She said boy can I tell you a terrible thing_  
_Seems that I’m sick and I’ve only got weeks_  
Please don’t be sad now, I really believe  
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me  
  
Slow, so slow  
I fell to the ground on my knees

~

            “Alfred, life truly does horrible things. It beats you down. Screws you over. Stand you up and then pushes you back down. And sometimes...it stabs you - right where it hurts most.” The hand on Alfred’s head went to grip the left side of Arthur’s chest where his heart was as he growled out: “Right. Where. It hurts.” Alfred could guess what came next, but still asked:

“So what...happened?” Arthur’s bottom lip quivered violently, hot tears pacing down his cheeks, then he let out a loud sob.

“I-It was a mo-month before you were born. Your mother and I were talking, and she suddenly got very serious. Your mother was almost never serious. Especially with me. When I asked her what was on her mind, she took my hands, looked in my eyes and said: ‘I’m really sick, Artie. I don’t know exactly how long, but the doctors gave me a few weeks. They say...they say there’s a chance I won’t make it out of our little champ being born. If I make it until then.’ Right there my world spiralled and shattered. She said that there wasn’t a thing the doctor’s could do. ‘I love you, Artie,’ said she, ‘y-y-yo-” Arthur began sputtering and sobbing uncontrollably before sob-yelling: “‘you’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me-e-eee.’” Arthur buried his face in his hands, sobbing loud and uncontrollably. This caused Alfred’s tears to return. How could a woman, who knows she going to die, be so damn happy? Alfred began crying once more, pulling out the picture of you, wishing you were there and wondering if you were watching him from where ever you were. He wondered if you were happy with the way he turned out, and he wondered how different he would have been if you had also been there to raise him.  “I felt so helpless, Ally, but there was nothing they could do! It was save you, or save her. There was no saving both. They had already said she was lucky that she didn’t lose you! I fell to ground right there, and cursed everything for taking your mother away. But she didn’t get better! Then, when you were born, she – she...!”

“...she died...because of me,” muttered Alfred. Arthur gasped, pulling his son close and shaking his head furiously.

“It’s not your fault, champ. She was sick and she wasn’t getting any better. She just wanted you alive, and happy and healthy! I know I’m not the best father, but you and I are all we have! Your mother – she would be so damn proud of you! And, if she were with us, every day, when you get home from school or work in a bad mood, she would tickle you until you couldn't breath. Then wrestle you around the living room, probably destroying things' but not caring and telling me to lighten up! She would make stupid faces and expect you to make them back! You two would get into stupid little play fights, and you’d get to watch the two of us act like teenagers. That’s what your mother would do, Alfred. And right now, she’s probably calling us huge cry-babies and telling us to get some pull-ups! Then she’d say something cheesy, but reassuring and kiss us both while pulling us in for a family hug.” 

At this, Alfred lost it. Going into hysterics, repeating over and over how he wanted his mommy. How he wanted everything that Arthur said she would do. Meanwhile, Arthur held him, sputtering out his own wishes of wanting you there. Of wanting his being complete once more. Although the two had never been close, and you weren't physically there, you brought the contradicting father and son together. If only it had been in a happy way.

_~_

_Don't fall in love_  
_It's just too much to lose_  
if given the choice  
Then I'm begging you to choose  
To walk away, walk away  
Don’t let her get you  
I can’t bear to see the same  
Happen to you

~

            After a while, Arthur was able to speak once more. “A-Alfred, pl-please, whatever you do – never fall in love. There’s too much to lose! Too much to risk! I can’t bear watching you go through what I am! What we are! It’s terrible and horrible and never gets better! It’s just sits and aches. And you’re helpless because there’s nothing you can do! They’re gone! Until you die, you’ll never see them again! You'll never hear their voice! You’ll never hold them! Don’t fall in love, Alfred! Dear God don’t fall in lo-o-ove!!” exclaimed Arthur. Alfred hugged his father, and they both began their hysterics once more. For a while, the two sat sobbing whilst snotting everywhere. Until finally Alfred fell asleep and Arthur, incapable of moving the large teen on his own, tucked him into his bed then when and made himself a cup of tea. Coming back, Arthur perched on the edge of the bed and put a hand on Alfred’s head. “Never fall in love, champ. Never fall in love. Life does terrible things.”

~

_Now, son, I’m only telling you this_  
_Cause, life can do terrible things_

_~_

 


End file.
